A marriage needs fireworks

I saw this on Fb and thought that one day it could help some people struggling in their marriage. I just hope its not too late…

Married or not you should read this…

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

10 Ways to Build a Good Relationship

Listen UP Guys and…Ladies. This can go for both to have a good relationship. I saw this on Fb and I thought it’s worth a reading. I hope you learn as much from this as I have. It’s mainly common sense but some people just need a pushing hand and/or be told directly. Enjoy the following:

1. BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD

A successful and strong relationship is one that is built on trust and dependability. If you tell a woman that you are going to do something, she will expect you to keep that commitment. Whether it’s a date you’ve made for dinner, a promise to water her plants while she’s on vacation, or a resolution to give up smoking, keeping a pledge is crucial in developing and nurturing a solid foundation for the future. Even if it is something that seems insignificant to you in the big scheme of things (i.e., returning a library book for her on your way home from work), a succession of forgetful moments will diminish her faith in you. Accordingly, if every time you promise to do something triggers a reaction on her part to have a Plan B just in case, it is only a matter of time before she starts seeking out a new companion with a better track record for reliability. Never make a promise unless it is one that you know you can keep.

2. SHOW HER RESPECT

If you want to keep a special woman in your life, you need to not only let her know that you put her on a pedestal but that you are willing to defend her honor to be there. This means that you don’t engage in gossip or divulge confidences, that you don’t criticize or belittle her, and that your love life isn’t an open book to anyone who’s nosey. If up until now your priority has been to spend all your free hours with your football buddies, you may need to start rethinking your agenda. A woman who always takes second, third or last place to other relationships in your life isn’t going to stay in the picture for very long. Showing respect also means fidelity to the relationship if you’ve both made a commitment to monogamy. If you can’t stay faithful, you owe her the respect of freeing her to meet someone who will appreciate and honor the treasure that she is.

3. LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR

The last thing a woman wants is a whiner who does nothing but bemoan the fact that all of her predecessors–and probably life in general–treated him badly. While it’s one thing for her to be initially sympathetic, it’s draining to listen to the same sob stories day after day. Keep in mind that the more time you spend dwelling on the past, the less energy you’ll have to spend building a new future. This also goes for men who talk incessantly about past relationships that were good. Whether the split came about as the result of death or divorce, women don’t like to compete with the Ghosts of Relationships Past.

4.  ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS

Maybe your beloved would look better if she lost a couple pounds. Maybe she should update that hairdo and go for something snazzier. Maybe she’d look better on your arm if she wore different clothes. If you find yourself keeping a list of all the things she should be doing, you may be looking for a makeover project instead of a girlfriend or future wife. What you need to ask yourself is whether your barrage of suggestions is really meant to help her or to reinvent her into someone who would better define who you think you are. Women–and men–want to know that they’re loved for themselves, not for an idealistic image that may be difficult to obtain. There’s a right way and a wrong way to recommend improvement. To imply that you could love her more if she didn’t have quite so many flaws is definitely the wrong way.

5. DON’T BE POSSESSIVE

Do you call your girlfriend every hour of the day? Do you demand a thorough accounting of what she’s doing and who she’s seeing whenever she’s not with you? Are you purposely driving a wedge between her and her family and friends so you won’t have to share her? Do you discourage her from doing activities she really loves because you resent that you’re not a part of it? If your behavior fits these descriptions, it’s not love; it’s obsession. In concert with the advice to treat your lady with proper respect, you need to allow her the freedom to have time to spend on herself. Jealousy and possessiveness are unhealthy in any relationship and communicate that you are insecure, clingy, and potentially violent if you’re not the center of attention.

6. DON’T RUSH ROMANCE

If you want a strong love connection, you need to start out with an equally strong “like” connection. It’s easy to rush headlong into a permanent relationship when you’re more excited about the prospect of being half of a couple than in enjoying the journey of discovering the things you have in common. Even if you’re sure that this is truly love at first sight and you don’t want to waste any time getting her in bed or off to the altar, a partnership that is meant to last will have a better chance if the man and woman invest in the value of friendship with one another. Consider the qualities and traits you admire in the people to whom you are close and apply those same tests in picking the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

7. PAY ATTENTION

Being a good partner means being a conscientious listener. It means not talking about yourself so much that she can never get a word in edgewise. It means that when she hints she’d really like a certain sweater for her birthday you don’t go out and buy her a CD of your favorite R&B singer instead. It also means that you’re sensitive to her moods, that you take an interest in projects she’s doing at work or problems she’s currently having with her siblings, and that you actually notice (and take action) if you see that one of her tires is low or that she comments on a new restaurant she’d like to try. Pay attention to the calendar, too. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions demonstrates that she’s important enough to you that you know how to plan ahead.

8. TRY NEW THINGS

Show an open mind when it comes to trying out new foods, activities, or ideas. While the two of you don’t have to share the same passion for every single thing that comes along, she’s far more likely to accompany you to a monster truck rally someday if you’ve accompanied her to a performance of the ballet. The fact that you show the willingness and curiosity to see what something is about instead of flatly dismissing it as stupid will accrue huge points in the sensitivity department. Why? Men and women tend to interpret the rejection of an idea as a rejection of them personally, a condition that will only fester with the passage of time. It should also be understood between the two of you that if the new whatever isn’t a good fit, it won’t continue to linger as a bone of contention. Trying it once—and respecting the outcome— is the most that either of you can ask.

9. SHARE THE WORK

In today’s society, there is no such thing as “a woman’s job” or “a man’s job.” The fact that both parties put in a full day of work shouldn’t mean that it’s always the female’s job to cook the meals, set the table, wash the dishes and do the laundry. You may not be a gourmet chef but that shouldn’t stop you from picking up and dishing out Chinese food. Your gender also shouldn’t inhibit you from running the vacuum cleaner, walking the dog, or helping put postage stamps on the wedding invitations.

10. CELEBRATE THE ORDINARY

Too many couples make the mistake of only pulling out all the stops for each other on vacations and special holidays. The rest of the time, they’re taking each other for granted. While it’s easy to say, “I love you” against an exotic backdrop or go overboard buying presents on Valentine’s Day, a happy relationship is one that celebrates itself every day of the year. Buy her a card “just because.” Schedule date nights…and keep them! Give her a foot rub when she’s had a rough day. Bring her lunch in bed and a favorite DVD when she’s under the weather. Let her know on a regular basis that she’s not only the love of your life but also the best friend you could ever have. Most of all, remember that “happily ever after” isn’t a destination but a journey to be taken hand in hand and heart to heart.

Thank you to the following source:
Source: http://words4mind.blogspot.com/

4 Bf’s of life

I saw this on my Fb and it really is true(mostly). Let’s try to be better shall we…

Four (4) Boyfriends
Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I’ll be all alone.”

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, “I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No way!”, replied the 4 th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, “I loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No!”, replied the 3rd boyfriend. “Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to marry someone else!”

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, “I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!”, replied the 2nd boyfriend. “At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.”

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: “I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.”

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, “I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!”

In truth, you have 4 boyfriend s in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it will all go ! to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray.

Pass this on to someone you care about – I just did.

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.