…to high school emotions. I have been feeling like this, well almost completely like this for a while and this is not exactly how I should be feeling right now. At least I do recognize that its not as bad as it was back in high school but to feel like this and just ignore it would be a stupid move on my behalf. I don’t know what is going on with me…it could be my job or plain and simple as life. But I am angry inside and I am looking for a fight cuz that’s all I know what to do. I fight to bleed. But at least I’m not stupid enough to kill someone-I know every life is precious to God. One thing that I have notice is that I am dealing with this in a total different matter. Don’t dare and ask me what up cuz its none of your business. I have a lot of stuff within my heart that I am trying very hard to suppress cuz apparently I have to control my feelings and learn this lesson what ever it is suppose to be…if you do ask me what’s up…I will tell you I am great or good or even fine…somethings are just meant for those in my heart. Also as a side note I have been more quiet than before which was pointed out by my friend sometime last week. For a while even music had no effect on me…….I am my own two face person, I am my own enemy.
Today I had it!
I had enough!
I can’t stand it anymore!
I am through with everything
All my life I’ve been abandon
Why is that?
Is it because I am a teenage Brat
That nobody wants to rise or help or even give
A warm meal to
Or is it because nobody likes me at all
Or even wants me around
I guess not
I guess that’s life – isn’t it
It’s been all down hill
This keeps me from doing all the things I want to do
Some people think if you just see someone
It means they’re okay
But are they really okay
They don’t know something is going on
Or is something wrong in their lives
Every other day I am abandon
By family members and some stupid friends
It hurts a lot more than anything else
Do they think I’ll be okay the next day
I don’t think so!!!
It doesn’t work that way
Don’t you get it people
I am hurt mentally, physically, and spiritually
I hurt so much that I think my mother beat
Me up to die
I feel like the lord himself threw lighting at me
Time after time after time
Just to proof a point that I’m stupid
I feel so lite headed because of all the blood
Coming out of my nose and mouth
I think I should’ve killed myself by now
What is a friend?
To me a friend should be a person that stays
By your side to the end
I guess I don’t have one
Don’t you understand
I am hurt badly from the bottom of my heart
I can’t take it anymore
Written: Jan. 26, 2001