My 19th church birthday!

Hello friends! Its been a long time!

Going the Distance…

Today is my 19th birthday being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Its been a long road yet successful and blessed. I have always said that I owe my life to the help and guidance of certain “angels” in my life and also the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I would not be here if it wasn’t for them or for the mercy of my Heavenly Father above.

These are some of my accomplish in the past 19 years…

  1. Won a Bronze Medal for the Los Angeles Region Occupational Program
  2. Certified in Wood Products Manufacturing for about 2 years
  3. Graduated high school with two medals (Bronze Medal of LAROP and Construction Academy Award)
  4. Survived a lot of hard times in my family (including raising myself for the most part)
  5. Did 6 months in Military Explores
  6. Attended  some college in California
  7. Did about a year and half of Women’s Self Defense class in College
  8. Served a mission in Minnesota, Minneapolis (Spanish)
  9. Regained my Spanish language and keeping it this time
  10. Did 6 months of Kung Fu/Karate (Purple Belt)
  11. Graduated from Institute of Religion (in 2 semesters)
  12. Got married in August 2011
  13. Got pregnant on the last day of our honeymoon 🙂
  14. Currently 5 months pregnant, we are having a girl! (4 more months to go)
  15. First time Auntie to some good kids
  16. First time back in a Spanish Branch in a long time.

In short, I have been able to “go the distance” but I did not do it alone. The Lord sent me “angels” and guidance to help me along the way. Here’s a fav song that has always encouraged me…ENJOY!

Things that really matter…

…to me. This year for the month of November I was able to ponder just about every single day what I am thankful for or for whom. Since I’ve been home from my mission I’ve had nothing but countless blessings pour upon me…then after a while of free gifts(blessings) I learned that I needed to show Heavenly Father my gratitude…and so I am still trying too. I’ve had a new goal in these last couple of months to try and be positive about anything and everything. If I couldn’t then I would at least try to laugh it off, well let me tell you its been difficult but I haven’t given up yet. Since doing this I’ve felt completely different and better which leads me to been very grateful to those who have stuck by me and to those who wanted to hit me upside my head and pretend I didn’t exists to them. i’m stubborn, deal with it. Well this month I’ve made a real effort to see all the little things of life that bring joy to my heart, I found A LOT!  The following are things and people I am much thankful for…

  1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
  2. All the hard life’s lessons
  3. My dear family and friends (you know who you are)
  4. My little nieces and nephews (Aidan, Laneah, Belle, Emma, Claire, and the brand new addition baby Fox)
  5. My roommate’s snort when she laughs really hard, truly brings a huge smile to my face…too bad she doesn’t do it more often anymore
  6. My car that is still working
  7. Love notes from my friends in my current ward
  8. My bishopric and their wives
  9. A healthy body
  10. Hugs and kisses!!! My favorite
  11. The guidance of great examples and leaders
  12. Friends who love me even with all my faults-I have many, shh!
  13. My job and those select few (at work)who make me smile and laugh
  14. My mission comps, who I am still in contact with-they rock my socks off!
  15. FOOD!
  16. Faith, Endurance, Hope, Desire, Love, and Patience
  17. Dreams
  18. The emotional team support I have from certain people
  19. My long hair and brown sugar skin, lol
  20. Movies-they always seem to get me thinking
  21. Books-religious or worldly
  22. Photographs of people I love and care about
  23. Many fun adventures of the past 25 years and counting…
  24. My scriptures that I am able to read in my native tongue (Spanish) even though I understand a whole lot better in English 🙂
  25. My patriarchal blessing which is my little preview of what may come if I chose to be
  26. To live in a well protective “Bubble” college town
  27. The many ways to network and stay in contact with my people (yes I have my own people, called my family and friends-gotcha!) 🙂
  28. The ability to play sports and get dirty when playing outside
  29. Babies, kids, children-that I now do love to hold, play games with, and babysit
  30. Travel and see old friends and family
  31. Dogs and cats
  32. All of my coworkers from this state of Utah whom have taught me many lessons
  33. Birthday hugs-big ones that left some bruises afterward-no biggy. Thank you Ben you made my birthday this year a million times better than ever before
  34. Cheesecake! Oh how much I love it, way better than chocolate
  35. The ability to do a childhood goal/dream…martial arts!
  36. To have been able to accomplish a lot in this past decade…I might not remember what I did but I’m sure people will remind me here and there
  37. Sun, Moon, Stars-how they always light the way in dark places
  38. All the seasons of the year-its a work of art that God has created for us
  39. The ability to get up (trials, errors, etc) when I fall and try again
  40. And finally the great Atonement of Jesus Christ! Because of his unselfish love, care, example, and sacrifice I am able to enjoy all of these things and follow in his foot steps and help others.

Yes, there is much, much more I am grateful for but in reality my list will never end…so I hope you said a silent prayer this past Thanksgiving day and thanked your Creator, Father, God who has giving you everything in life and only ask little of us. To be Christlike, (something I am still working on too) to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, fellowship, give hugs and kisses, talk with all your friends, love your parents(no matter how many you have) witness and testify of  the truth, for the truth and only by the truth will you be free. Thank you to all who have support me this year and have never given up on me. Love you all!

3 “little” words

I never want to ever say the words “I love you” ever again! Why is it that mankind has a hard time saying these words to the one(s) they love? Why is it so difficult to express? Why is it such a big deal to be told or received these words? Why is it when we feel like this we are scared? Why do we or better said I start running if I hear it from the opposite sex?

These ‘little’ words are one of the hardest things for me to comprehend. In my younger years, I hardly ever felt this and when I did…I ran, I denied it all and what did I get in return? I got chased my loves ones who I denied, and hugged like crazy and sometimes it was really welcomed…but other times I said “gross, cuddies, sick, yuck, blah,” etc… Even tho I know I am saying now that I don’t want to ever say these words ever again, I know I will feel it more than ever. But right now I feel nothing. Fair warning: If you tell me I love you, I will say ‘ditto’ or ‘yeah’ or even ‘yep’. I’m not saying I don’t love ya back, its just that right now I am having a hard time with it cuz its been a really long time since I’ve heard it sincerely towards me or even felt it. So get over yourself and deal with it. When I do say these words I really do mean it. But because I really do mean it, it means a lot, probably more than you can imagine. Especially for me to say it! SO DON’T TAKE IT LIGHTLY. Love is one of those long eternal process thing for me. And lately I feel as if people don’t believe me or care that I say it, so this is why I am going to try not to say these powerful words. If I do say it to you, I probably slipped, or your just plain lucky. This is how I feel about it at the moment.

I love you’s toward the opposite sex:

Well, this is hard to explain. I’m sure most of you have your owe meaning of this but for me. Let’s just say I get embarrassed really easily and fast. Other times (depending on the person or situation) I run away as fast as I can. I really don’t know why, wait that’s a lie…I do know why, cuz I’m scared and a BIG chicken! I also question it a lot. Probably not the smartest thing to do but I need to understand the reasons why they feel this way and why me? There are plenty of other great women out there that are more qualified for the men that I know. I’m just saying…I will say that guys that are my friends and actual boyfriends/dating partners are a totally separate feeling but very similar indeed.

I love you’s toward same sex:

Girls are a whole lot more easier to say it too. Well, not entirely true but mostly true in my case. I don’t say it right away but I do know that I show it in other ways. For example; if I love you I always talk to you, I admire you, I ask for your counsel, opinion and guidance, I look out for you, I defend you (when needed), I start holding you higher in my mind compared to other friends or acquaintances. Stuff like that, actually some of these can also go for the opposite sex. But again same rule or statement applies here too. If I say it to you, I really mean it.

I love you’s toward family:

There’s a saying that I was told once by a friend long ago, I think it went like this: “blood is thicker than water”…don’t quote me on that. I’m not sure if I have it right. Family is a very tight bond in life. Even tho my family isn’t much of a family, well I shouldn’t say that but those that know me will kinda understand what I am saying. They say “home is where the heart is” for me home or family if you will is or are those who I keep the deepest in my heart. I have my sister from my mother who I love and my mother who I love from a very, very,  very  long distance. Then you have all of those people who I decide to be in my circle and I claim them as family in my heart. On that note I have a good amount of brothers, sisters, fathers, and MOTHERS. I cherish my mothers the most of course. Don’t be jealous, they have earned that title more than any other person(s) in my life. Just to clarify this does include those I have lived with prep mission or as I refer to it “my past life.” Quick explanation on that; ask anyone of my dear close friends, before my mission I was WAY different vs the way I am today. A mission does change you, puts a lot of things in perspective among other things.

It easier to say it to family cuz when they first tell me I can see it and sometimes they just say it in passing but the thing is that they like to explain it to me as a lecture, well that’s the way I take it. And sometimes they really do shake it into me while hugging me that sometimes I feel like I am one of those “bobble’ head dolls. Sometimes it so much all I can do is “smile and nod” (seminar answer). The thing about family is that I ponder about their words so much that eventually it brings a smile to my face cuz by then I realize what those words and eyes tell me as they talk and see me…even their actions. I am one stubborn son of a gun that I dread out things longer than it should be. Un fortunately this is how I learn and see things. I am trying really hard to work on a different method to learn quicker but “patience is a virtue” as they say.

Back flash…

…to high school emotions. I have been feeling like this, well almost completely like this for a while and this is not exactly how I should be feeling right now. At least I do recognize that its not as bad as it was back in high school but to feel like this and just ignore it would be a stupid move on my behalf. I don’t know what is going on with me…it could be my job or plain and simple as life. But I am angry inside and I am looking for a fight cuz that’s all I know what to do. I fight to bleed. But at least I’m not stupid enough to kill someone-I know every life is precious to God. One thing that I have notice is that I am dealing with this in a total different matter. Don’t dare and ask me what up cuz its none of your business. I have a lot of stuff within my heart that I am trying very hard to suppress cuz apparently I have to control my feelings and learn this lesson what ever it is suppose to be…if you do ask me what’s up…I will tell you I am great or good or even fine…somethings are just meant for those in my heart. Also as a side note I have been more quiet than before which was pointed out by my friend sometime last week. For a while even  music had no effect on me…….I am my own two face person, I am my own enemy.

 

Abandon

 

Today I had it!

I had enough!

I can’t stand it anymore!

I am through with everything

Finish, done

No more

Its over!!!

All my life I’ve been abandon

Why is that?

Is it because I am a teenage Brat

That nobody wants to rise or help or even give

A warm meal to

Or is it because nobody likes me at all

Or even wants me around

I guess not

I guess that’s life – isn’t it

It’s been all down hill

This keeps me from doing all the things I want to do

Some people think if you just see someone

It means they’re okay

But are they really okay

They don’t know something is going on

Or is something wrong in their lives

Every other day I am abandon

By family members and some stupid friends

It hurts a lot more than anything else

Do they think I’ll be okay the next day

I don’t think so!!!

It doesn’t work that way

Don’t you get it people

I am hurt mentally, physically, and spiritually

I hurt so much that I think my mother beat

Me up to die

I feel like the lord himself threw lighting at me

Time after time after time

Just to proof a point that I’m stupid

I feel so lite headed because of all the blood

Coming out of my nose and mouth

I think I should’ve killed myself by now

What is a friend?

To me a friend should be a person that stays

By your side to the end

I guess I don’t have one

Don’t you understand

I am hurt badly from the bottom of my heart

I can’t take it anymore

Its over!!!

Its over!!!

 

Written: Jan. 26, 2001

By Me

A Good St. Patty’s Day

This year today, when I woke up I didn’t even realize it is St. Patrick’s Day. Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! If I had to sum up today’s feelings in a few words, I would say…this has been a relaxing fun in the Sun day. And for what ever reason, my heart is full of or increasing love is taking place and what more can a human being ask for but the love of family, friends, and love ones.

As noon crept into my room this morning, I opened my eyes to see the glorious light of the sun spray its beauty across my room. With such a warm joyful day I decided to read outside on my front lawn of my little cute house. I don’t know if you felt what I felt today, but there is such comfort being in the Sun after a cold winter. I guess the warmth of the Sun penetrates most feelings of discomfort. To which I am thankful for. While reading I felt the back of my legs get really warm to the point where I almost fell asleep. To my demised I continued to read and was feeling so restless that I started thinking that being on my starving, low budget diet…all my clothes-well pants, jeans, shorts, and skirts are falling of my hips. My point is that I can say: Dang I look good! 🙂 My body shape has been slimming down that I could probably fit another person in my jeans. LOL…isn’t life great! I love the Sun, and I especially love moments as reading in the sun or being outdoors like yesterday where I went hiking and biking. In short, enjoy the sun.

Sisters for Life!!!

A few weeks ago my sister sent me a link to her wedding website. And I must admit it looks freaken awesome…I would share it will all of you but like me she’s picky and private about her life in different aspects of course. Well she wrote the following (in green)about me and it really touched me. I miss my sister and I love her so much. Like she said we’ve been through a lot and I believe its times like those that makes us and brings us closer to one another. A lot of people say we look alike but still just for fun I say “no way, your crazy” but in heart she is my sister and she is stuck with me and I with her for life! She is a great sister, she has always looked after me and cared for me when I let her…and sometimes by force. Well I’m guilty of it too, I’ve done it to her and to my dear close friends. As we have grown over the years we have become more tolerant of each other in more ways than one, for that I am gratefuly. Now that there are many miles between us, it only enforces the care, love and respect I have for my sister in my heart. Although I might fall short of telling her that but I hope she can feel it some day. Yes we are a lot alike and well what do you expect from Latinas 🙂 Are spicy character will never go away, its part of us, of who we are and from what I hear nowadays my friends like that about me…that’s a miracle! Any who, we are the Quintanilla Sisters now and forever even after marriage, we will be there again for one another through thick and thin. Shout out to my sister, I love you crazy woman!!!

Bridesmaid – Roxana

Um so what can I say about my own flesh and blood?… I LOVE YOU!!!!
I think that about covers it…through thick and thin I’m 110% positive we will be there for eachother no mattter what. Through all the tough times we’ve had growing up I still could havenever asked for a better sister than you! You are me and I am you. Whether you like it or not we will always be one in every way, shape, and form. I miss you and the fact that you live so far away. I hate it, but I know you are happy and making the most of everything. Nothing will ever come between us. Words truly don’t express how much you mean to me and how much you have always meant to me. I think you going on your mission to Minnesota was more hard on me than it was for you. I have never been separated from you for that long and it felt like an eternity. With everything happening in my life at that point I’m really glad I had Nelson there. I’m so happy you decided to be part of our wedding and I just can’t wait to see how much you’ve grown as a strong beautiful woman that you are. I LOVE you with ALL my heart!!!!!   

Finally after 3 1/2 years…

…my sister is getting married! I just received her invitation and I have to admit the picture they took was the best one of them I’ve ever seen. I was also very impressed by how she did her invitation. My sister likes to go all out so she did everything herself and it looks really professional. That’s how we Quintanilla’s do it! I can’t wait until the wedding let alone I am actually really looking forward to seeing her in May. I also can’t believe how better our relationship has gotten in the last few months, that is a miracle and a lesson I hope never to forget. I love my sister with all my heart. For me to say this and mean it…its really big!