Time to evaluate your patience…for marriage

Today’s post is brought to you by one of my very own best friends ever! As I read this, the virtue of patience came to mind. I cannot say I have not experience this because I have and much to my surprise I am very content with my husband. Of course it helps to know that he is handsome and that I still have the “hots” for him. ūüôā He is amazingly wonder and to that I am grateful! So to those in this¬†dilemma, KEEP hope and get to know yourself very well first, be the person you would want to marry. All these things will help but don’t take my word for it…see and learn from your friends that are married or ask your parents or any couple that is married that you know. Take their words or advice and put it to good use. Happy hunting…

THE ART OF CONTENTMENT

for most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. this is the best place to practice the art of contentment. someday, i’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. but the thing is, love will always be tested. someone more handsome, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. if you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you’re willing to see it through. it means, you don’t walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtue that people in a hurry will never have. being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. the Art of Contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.¬†

A TIME TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER. Being single is a time of your life when you get to know yourself better. you can pursue different interests and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. it is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more that what you expect to be.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO SURPRISE YOU. Stop wasting your precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unttached. it’s all in the mind. take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, never for a moment, alone. try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. to be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. how do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are?

A CHOICE BETWEEN GOOD AND BEST. Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between good and best. treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. sometimes you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. the heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

ALMOST NON-COMMITTAL. Jane Austen once wrote, that it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man (or in our times a woman), in possession of a good fortune is in search of a spouse (just to be politically correct). well, that was what the old school wanted us to believe in. married life is a path most of us would take, however, it is not the only path there is. relieve yourself of the pressure and stop making every single straight guy friend a prospect. you have no business “entrapping” them and asking (which is more like “putting a gun in the head”) them their exclusive attention, if you’re not ready for commitment yourself. sometimes, when you spend too much time trying to find a boyfriend, you normally end up marrying the first loser who comes to your door. take your time, the world will wait. being married doesn’t guarantee anything at all. sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.

LIVING LIFE. Don’t put your life on hold for Mr./Ms. Right but don’t let it waste away with Mr./Ms. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen everyday. it’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. live life now. live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. allow life to surprise you with its most wonderful blessing.

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School!

When I woke up yesterday, I didn’t know what to except as I went to UVU for my appointment. I’ve been out of school for such a long time its¬†ridiculous! Finally I decided that there is no better time than now, since I got laid off…it was going to be now or never. As I spoke with the woman at school I explained my situation in detail so she would understand why I wanted resident tuition vs non-resident. I believe if it wasn’t for this one thing that I told her I would still not be in school but since I told her without hold back any information she made a few calls and to my surprise I am now a student at UVU. At the end of the process I was still in shock…now, a little but I’m in school and it feels great! I start in the fall and I will be studying Physical Therapy.

Why Physical Therapy? Well for starters my parents wanted me to go into the medical field, mainly because there will always be jobs available. I wanted to major in Business and Computers but since it will take a long time for my brain to catch up to speed, I decided to give this one a try and see if I do like it and invest it in my future as a career. Also because this is as close as I will go to be in the medical field. I hate needles and I really don’t like doctor’s¬†incompetence. So this is as far as I go. I think they will be pleased. I figure that I will always need therapy for my knees especially when I get¬†injured so if I can study this and actually work it on myself and find progress why can’t I help someone else and make the big bucks too? Its all part of my plan.

Its been a whole 24hrs and sometimes when I think about it I can’t help think what am I getting myself into? Even though its a lot to take in at the moment I still believe and feel that I have made the right choice. I have a theory about this. For a long time I’ve been wanting to get back into school and I have also been wanting to get married and start my family. There is nothing more sacred to me that family, everyone who knows me knows this to be true. So my theory is if I can get myself into school…I can almost guarantee myself that I will be married, eventually. I know that in school is where I will meet my future husband. So what am I waiting for? Let’s get cracking! I know it sounds silly but I believe in my theory and I believe it to be true as long as I stay true to myself and on the right path as always. I will see this through no matter how long it takes. Wish me luck ya’ll, I’m excited!

Avatar+Dream=Desire

During the Christmas Holiday a bunch of us from work who are my really cool friends went and saw “Avatar” at the IMAX¬†theater¬†in 3D. Let me just saw that it was flippin’ awesome! I loved it and I would see it again. Caution: If you read this and haven’t seen Avatar, its not my fault…I will be talking about it.

Ok so during the movie the main character had to gain the trust of the village people and be one of them. As he learned their ways he experienced many things, ie: the meaning of love, care for people he never had before, learned how to conquer his fear of a strange new place or I should probably say that he explored a whole new world. Fast forward…at the end of his training/graduation there was a ceremony where he became one of them…joined a family he never had before. But not just any family it was a whole new kind of¬†definition…at least the way I¬†interpret¬†the movie it was to me. They brought him the the center of the clan and as the Father and the Mother¬†accepted¬†him they put their hand on his shoulder and the rest of the clan followed suit. As the camera¬†paned¬†out you could see him in the very dead center of everyone and the whole entire clan had their arm on the person in front of them which ultimately lead to the center. Quite an amazing ceremony…he got a bigger reward than he ever expected. A family much more than he ever had.

I’m not going to lie, when I saw this I cried and it was so my wish to have a family just like that. To be in the center of a circle where everyone accepts you for who you were and called you as his/her brother or sister is a feeling that I¬†cherish the most in my heart above all…family comes first.¬†Since my direct family is so messed up, I make my own family. Thankfully thought I still have my direct sister whom I love dearly. And over the years my family has increased so much right before my very own eyes sometimes I have a hard time seeing that due to my¬†childhood. But I’ve got some news for you…I’ve got a bigger family now than when I started here on earth at birth and quite frankly I couldn’t have asked for a better family!

Now here’s my dream:

About two nights ago I was thinking about the future and¬†settling¬†down. Can you believe it me, a party animal settle down…if you ask me that’s a bit fishy! jk, no really I’m serious about it. Any who that night I dreamed about my husband and my children. It was such an amazing dream I love it so much I wished it was real. It was a simple dream, nothing fancy…just something sweet for the future to look forward to.

It took place in my back yard of my big house. (So far so good) My husband (to be) was playing with my (future) son throwing around the football. I was with my beautiful (future 3) girls on the swings, playing and laughing and smiling. As I looked around there was a picnic blanket with food not to far away and I could just feel the love. The love of my very own family that I created with my gorgeous handsome husband. The love that I felt from each of them was extraordinary! I was a mom to 4 kids and a wife to a husband who adore me, it felt good.

I woke up and I smiled. That’s basically set my entire day. I wasn’t sad or¬†disappointed¬†when I woke up to nothing…I had hope and love and compassion, and DESIRE that I will do what it takes to make that happen. I want that and I’ve considered to settle down and get serious about life but still have fun in a way where I can be that fun mom and amazing wife to my future family.

Am I ready to be a mom or a wife? I don’t know but I do know that there is only one way to find out…let’s go fishing!

Slept and slept and slept…

Part of this holiday season I was able to do the unthinkable! SLEEP!!! I finally got my sleep…hours and hours of them. I went from place to place and slept many times…4 hours here, 6 hours there, 5 hours, 8 hours, and 13 HOURS! It felt so good. I think I am back to my old self again…but I think the damage has been done. Now to fix all the relationships I messed up during my little episode. If anyone has any suggestions, please pass them on to me. Thank you for being my friend, I truly do appreciate it. Ps, Happy New Year!

By Roxy Posted in Hope

Things that really matter…

…to me. This year for the month of November I was able to ponder just about every single day what I am thankful for or for whom. Since I’ve been home from my mission I’ve had nothing but countless blessings pour upon me…then after a while of free gifts(blessings) I learned that I needed to show Heavenly Father my gratitude…and so I am still trying too. I’ve had a new goal in these last couple of months to try and be positive about anything and everything. If I couldn’t then I would at least try to laugh it off, well let me tell you its been difficult but I haven’t given up yet. Since doing this I’ve felt completely different and better which leads me to been very grateful to those who have stuck by me and to those who wanted to hit me upside my head and pretend I didn’t¬†exists¬†to them. i’m stubborn, deal with it. Well this month I’ve made a real effort to see all the little things of life that bring joy to my heart, I found A LOT! ¬†The following are things and people I am much thankful for…

  1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
  2. All the hard life’s lessons
  3. My dear family and friends (you know who you are)
  4. My little nieces and nephews (Aidan, Laneah, Belle, Emma, Claire, and the brand new addition baby Fox)
  5. My roommate’s snort when she laughs really hard, truly brings a huge smile to my face…too bad she doesn’t do it more often anymore
  6. My car that is still working
  7. Love notes from my friends in my current ward
  8. My bishopric and their wives
  9. A healthy body
  10. Hugs and kisses!!! My favorite
  11. The guidance of great examples and leaders
  12. Friends who love me even with all my faults-I have many, shh!
  13. My job and those select few (at work)who make me smile and laugh
  14. My mission comps, who I am still in contact with-they rock my socks off!
  15. FOOD!
  16. Faith, Endurance, Hope, Desire, Love, and Patience
  17. Dreams
  18. The emotional team support I have from certain people
  19. My long hair and brown sugar skin, lol
  20. Movies-they always seem to get me thinking
  21. Books-religious or worldly
  22. Photographs of people I love and care about
  23. Many fun adventures of the past 25 years and counting…
  24. My scriptures that I am able to read in my native tongue (Spanish) even though I understand a whole lot better in English ūüôā
  25. My patriarchal blessing which is my little preview of what may come if I chose to be
  26. To live in a well protective “Bubble”¬†college town
  27. The many ways to network and stay in contact with my people (yes I have my own people, called my family and friends-gotcha!) ūüôā
  28. The ability to play sports and get dirty when playing outside
  29. Babies, kids, children-that I now do love to hold, play games with, and babysit
  30. Travel and see old friends and family
  31. Dogs and cats
  32. All of my coworkers from this state of Utah whom have taught me many lessons
  33. Birthday hugs-big ones that left some bruises afterward-no biggy. Thank you Ben you made my birthday this year a million times better than ever before
  34. Cheesecake! Oh how much I love it, way better than chocolate
  35. The ability to do a childhood goal/dream…martial arts!
  36. To have been able to accomplish a lot in this past decade…I might not remember what I did but I’m sure people will remind me here and there
  37. Sun, Moon, Stars-how they always light the way in dark places
  38. All the seasons of the year-its a work of art that God has created for us
  39. The ability to get up (trials, errors, etc) when I fall and try again
  40. And finally the great Atonement of Jesus Christ! Because of his unselfish love, care, example, and sacrifice I am able to enjoy all of these things and follow in his foot steps and help others.

Yes, there is much, much more I am grateful for but in reality my list will never end…so I hope you said a silent prayer this past Thanksgiving day and thanked your Creator, Father, God who has giving you everything in life and only ask little of us. To be Christlike, (something I am still working on too) to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, fellowship, give hugs and kisses, talk with all your friends, love your parents(no matter how many you have) witness and testify of ¬†the truth, for the truth and only by the truth will you be free. Thank you to all who have support me this year and have never given up on me. Love you all!

A little boy named Aidan

A couple of weeks ago as we were coming back from a¬†reception¬†I offered to hold Aidan while Pmac got the car seat back into his car for Aidan. We parked my car and I went to grab Aidan…poor little guy even tho he was sleeping I still told him that I was going to hold him so his dad can move the car seat over. Aidan put no fuss, and let me freely hold him for the time being. As I held Aidan he¬†laid¬†is head on my shoulder and put his arms around my neck to hold on.

Next thing I know I am completely speechless! This cute little boy has given me the greatest hope and desire that deep down inside my heart has been in slumber for many years. The feelings I felt while holding Aidan were so strong that it hit home FAST! Never have I ever felt this way about a child…such love, such happiness, such hope! I’ve never felt like a mother before or ever gotten close enough to the role until that night. A great sense of peace came over me and I kid you not I would have loved just to hold Aidan a little while longer just to be able to keep feeling that motherly sensation. Not sure if that’s the right word for it but you get my point. I won’t lie my heart broke a little when Pmac took him and put him in his car, but at least I got to experience something I never thought would be possible in my heart. Just for that minute and half I felt so much love for Aidan and for once my heart was completely full…full of love and all the right emotions a normal person should feel on a daily basis. ¬†Aidan, I owe you buddy.

You know no matter how many times I re-read this words just cannot capture the emotions I felt…its just not¬†expressible. This gives no justice to Aidan or myself due to the fact that I just cannot express well enough how it felt that night. I want it back, I want those feelings back…yet I have to wait because I know its not on my time but on the Lord’s time. He will know when I am ready and I will freak out as usual but I do hope I don’t have to wait too long. Until then I will hold on to these feelings tight and pray that I don’t forget how it felt to almost be a mother…or the role of a mother.

Sunday experiment

Ok so every since I moved into my new ward I’ve decided to try something new. Making new friends is not my strong point and in this ward its been rough, not gonna lie but it has been a good challenge to say the least. In the middle of last semester I’ve decided to go to church early and sit towards the front of the room right smack in the middle of the row. Why? Because I can’t always depend on my roommates to come to church with me at the same time, let alone to sit next to me. They have their own friends in the ward and they are not obligated to sit next to me holding my hand like a little child. As the weeks, and months have gone by I have also tried to make more friends during the activities to bring success on Sundays’…I mean c’mon I wanted some sort of decent political results with these people. So here is the results….drum roll please….every Sunday I go sit by myself towards the front of the room right in the middle of the row. And every Sunday people come sit right next to me on both sides. SUCCESS!!! I don’t think or can’t remember of a time that I’ve sat alone on Sunday since I’ve started this project. I believe this goes to show that I am a decent person to sit by and talk to, given the opportunity. For those in my ward that read my blog, I thank you for your hand in friendship and only hope that together we can increase our friendship.

Martial Arts

I’m sad to inform you¬†that today I¬†quit the dojo, I didn’t have any other choice. I knew this day would come but I just pretended that I was blind. I love physical workouts and it can’t get any better than a heavy duty physical workout 3-4 times a week. How else do you think I lost a lot of weight, it really works.

Ever since¬†I was a kid, I always wanted to do Martial Arts. But due to financial issues and other life matters¬†I was always promised that I would be enrolled but it just never happened. Until I started living on my own. Only I and I alone (well sort of-a little help from God does make a difference too) can make my dreams, goals, and desires come true. Well now look at me, I quit but at least I did it like I always dreamed and wished. Didn’t get to finish my Agreement term but at least¬†I can say “yes, I did it.” When I finish, it will be probably around 10 months. That makes me happy, 10 months is a long time and lots of dedication and anyone that knows me knows that I am very dedicated once I put my mind to it.

For as long as I can remember, I have always¬†yearn for discipline. It¬†has always been a part of my life and will always be…hmm, I feel sorry for my future kids, if and when I have them. I’ve been told by many people that I have a very military mind set. Cool, I guess. Personally I just like to have order in my life. If that is broken or lost there are consequences, question marks, and sometimes fear. As much as I like having a plan, there is also room for flexibility…one cannot say this is it and there is no other way. I quote “if there is a will, there is a way”-Unknown. This is why I love anything with order in it, especially martial arts and the forces of the military. Discipline brings hard work, satisfaction, endurance, commitment, team work (when applied) and focus. All of these things are life’s teaching and learning ground. This is me,¬†this is what I will teach my children, this is how I will raise my house, and above all this is my life.

Will I ever go back and finish? I don’t know, one can only hope and dream. But who knows, maybe in the future, maybe when I’m rich and famous I’ll¬†go back. Until then, it was fun while it lasted. Just got to keep looking forward to the future and see what is in store. Yes, I’m sad but like I said before, discipline will always be in my life.